These are oh so true! I'm an Aries and it describes me to a tee!
What sign are you?
ARIES
Drinking style
Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call
it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot
contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a
couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you
want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose
when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven
(if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for
you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to
them last night, you sneaky Gemini.
TAURUS
Drinking style
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow
rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a
one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills
red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference
for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is
quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by
any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er,
gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely
amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.
GEMINI
Drinking style
Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much -- they're so
naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell
sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt
successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several
people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round --
repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
CANCER
Drinking style
Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an
after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling?
Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against
lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and
insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style,
Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional"
(read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping
stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite
Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the
flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and
soda.
LEO
Drinking style
Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and
usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and
turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling - Leos
will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because
they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect
flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one what brung them. But
Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it
(try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.
VIRGO
Drinking style
Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their
famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other
signs, sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking
down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully
shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect,
but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when
walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend
used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of
intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!
LIBRA
Drinking style
"I'm just a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn
social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to
everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend device
set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators
when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are,
Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them
into all sorts of trouble -- including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay
too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even
blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!
SCORPIO
Drinking style
Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and
quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk,
out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a
problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in
itself, and not as a personality-altering tool * though if depressed,
self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're
fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying
flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you
were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
SAGITTARIUS
Drinking style
In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When
buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own.
Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a
sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of
Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?).
They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or
Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high
possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).
CAPRICORN
Drinking style
Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and
status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological
cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox,
not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent,
powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they
make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most
rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally
need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party,
especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.
AQUARIUS
Drinking style
Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that
is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an
idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone.
If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too
preoccupied with their duties to get combative * and they make perfectly
charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital
drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get
them before they start raising their wrist) Aquarius is fascinated by drunk
people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused
strangers while sober.
PISCES
Drinking style
If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign
and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt
Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there
feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance
fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're
fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With
the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and
wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be
read two ways, you know.
