"Happy" days are here again.

So I couldn't take spraying people with perfume. I would get HORRIBLE headaches from the HORRIBLE smell. I tried. It was completely boring and the only thing I really worked at was my knack of making fun of people.
What am I doing now you ask?? ask away.
I am back at the school. You can not escape once you had a job like that. You keep coming back for more. But, only one day a week this time. That day is Friday! We are able to take the children to the local Mc D's or BK to gross out other everyday people who don't get the opportunity to watch teenagers pigishly swallow hamburgers whole. It's by far the grossest part of the day.

So I'm a subsitute now and I go into the room who needs the most help. Which I realize, that whatever room I will be in, will be hetic due to the lack of staff.

I'm working with a new kid (I can't think of a good monster name for him) but he starts running up to the other children, grabbing both of their shoulders and starts shaking them yelling...."ARTIC BLAST 0 6......ARTIC BLAST 0 6.." over and over again. Ok, so I get him to calm down and stop grabbing the other students. So he then starts chanting "WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL....WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL..." and so on. I was thinking ... sure, tell me something I don't know....but the teacher inside me say "hey, we don't say things like that." So this excites him and he chants it louder and faster and then all of the sudden he lets out a howl and runs out the door and down the hallway. I did the 50 meter dash behind him while trying not to laugh. yea, I'm back!!

I'm going to school full-time myself for a photography major. I received a letter in the mail saying I was on the Dean's list. I was very excited and shocked. It may be harder this semester since I have 6 classes at 19 credit hours compared to the 4 class 13 credit hour from last semester. oh well!

Perfume anyone?

Yep, I got the job at Dillards at the womens fragrance counter. No, we're not allowed to spray people. I secretly do it when they walk away. So now all I do is work and college. I really miss my students and the stories. I was getting my ass whooped more, when working 2 days a week then I was at working 5 though. Once your out of their routine, it's over.
So now my stories are of ladies who won't buy perfume because the free gift, which is usually a purse, looks to cheap. This lady came to the counter with the ad from a magazine looking for the free purse you get when you buy Baby Phat perfume, I show her the purse, she plays with it for a half hour.
"It doesn't look like the one in the ad," she continues to sling it over her shoulder, opens and closes it, and acts like its hers. Then, a half hour later says, "it looks really cheap, I don't want it...sorry" She didn't want the perfume either since the free gift looked cheap. I couldn't help but to blurt out (due to pms) "It's a free gift, their not going to make it quality, they just want you to buy the perfume" she agreed as she looked at me in shock.
I then decided to sit on the floor and straighten the perfume cases and stay away from the customers so I don't get in trouble.

See, that story is no where near as fun as Birdman stories.

That's about it though. boring........

End of My School Daze

Yes folks, it's true. I will be ending my career at the school with my special students. No more poop stories, cursing stories and no more Birdman stories. They have whooped me down. I am currently trying to get a job at Dillard's spraying perfume in your eyes. Thats right.... I will now torture the mainstream.

Speaking of poop stories, well, I don't think I should tell you this story because it's probally not as funny to you because you don't have to deal with someone else's poop. just your own.

UUUMMMMM......(thinking...thinking...) Oh! I did goto Cinema Wasteland and I met the cast from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. I had my picture taken with Chop Top!!! I bought his button's for a mere $15 bones and recieved his autograph for FREE. (crazy money is made at these things) In the spring the chicks from "Faster Pussycat Kill Kill" will be in town and so will I! They had the mother from the first Friday the 13th there and some people from the Night of the Living Dead. It was alot of fun!!

That's about it. Just college and horror movies. I am about to watch "Blood Feast" by H.G. Lewis. yipee!

Happy Hauntings!

Birdman vs. Jesus

Oh yes, another birdman story.

Birdman is coming out of the basement of the church where we eat breakfast at the school. He runs into the flower gardens and starts stomping with all his might to crush every flower and bush possible. Birdman starts laughing and yelling "look at the statue of Jesus" (it was really a statue of Mary).

Creature Teacher: "Oooohhhh, Jesus can see that you know"
He stops suddenly and his eyes buldge out of his head
Birdman: "I don't want f**king Jesus to see that.......I'm scared"
He bolts out of the garden and tries to hide behind me.
B: "Is he a ghost?"
Creature Teacher: "He's not a ghost but he knows if your being bad. Jesus will deal with you later on."
"Oh" he replies.

Creature Teacher - 1. Birdman - 0.

Still waiting...

I'm still waiting for my hanging space bags. I still wake up in the middle of the night during the "paid programming" hours and cry. They say their sending them....I'm still dreaming.

Went to the Drive-in and we watched Artie Lang's beer league (sucks, there are some funny parts but from the title you know the plot) and Snakes on the plane. I had to close my eyes through half of that movie because I HATE snakes. anything that can move that fast with no legs just scares the crap out of me. Since i'm such the bargain hunter and always try to get the most for my money without getting ripped off, I figured two crappy movies for 7.00 was better than one crappy movie for 7.00. So I suffered through Snakes on the plane. I busted up laughing at the part where this lady grabbed her barf bag, opened it up and BAM a snake bit her tongue. tooo funny! she died though and that stopped me laughing, because thats serious.

I worked with Birdman today, man do I love that kid. he keeps you on your toes and witty. We're sitting in the library and he just blurts out "yeah I gotta take a piss". Trying to get him to ask the proper way I say "excuse me?". (I should've made my request more clear) "I said I gotta take a piss" he repeats.

It's 3:30 in the morning and i'm flipping through the stations and "The Jerk" is on. what a funny movie. I haven't watched that movie for so long. I like the part where he looks his name up in the phone book. And of course the double water cooler of wine by the tennis courts.

As Seen On TV

I figured it out... the only reason why a product has the "As Seen On TV" mark on it is because when you order it off the fucking tv, you'll never see it in you home...As Seen on TV. Bitches.
I saw the commercial for Space Bags and hanging Space Bags and order them for the special price of $53. But did I quickly see them in my home. NO. Just on TV when I would be reminded that someone from TV took my $53. Bitches. It's bad enough I thought I was getting a good deal. 8 space bags for 18.95 and 3 hanging space bags for 16.95 but at the VERY LAST SECOND *POWWEE* you get hit with a shipping/handling fee of 8.95 for each item ordered. so it's 8 space bags for 27.90 and 3 hanging bags for 25.90 = 53.80 for shit I don't have. Until today, after 2 months of waiting and watching on tv the shit I paid for but do not have. What did the send me? 8 space bags.... they forgot my 3 hanging bags and FREE gift they promised. I really want my hanging bags. I feel had. I e-mailed them to say I didn't get my 3 bags and free gift and what happened. oh they gave me an instant reply of "sorry for the inconvience" but people really love their stuff and continue to buy gifts for people from their site. I wanna love my stuff but I don't have it. Bitches. For my 53.00 I could of walked into a fucking bed, bath beyond store and been instantly gratified and have my "as seen on tv" product seen in my home. How do you prove that you didn't recieve you full order or free gift? I deserve 2 free gifts don't I? TV and everything seen on it sucks.

Can you read me now?

Is anyone reading this? At all? Hello....Hello... testing..testing. hhhmmmmm........