Creature Teacher

"Happy" days are here again.

2007-02-07T13:27:00.000-05:00

So I couldn't take spraying people with perfume. I would get HORRIBLE headaches from the HORRIBLE smell. I tried. It was completely boring and the only thing I really worked at was my knack of making fun of people.
What am I doing now you ask?? ask away.
I am back at the school. You can not escape once you had a job like that. You keep coming back for more. But, only one day a week this time. That day is Friday! We are able to take the children to the local Mc D's or BK to gross out other everyday people who don't get the opportunity to watch teenagers pigishly swallow hamburgers whole. It's by far the grossest part of the day.

So I'm a subsitute now and I go into the room who needs the most help. Which I realize, that whatever room I will be in, will be hetic due to the lack of staff.

I'm working with a new kid (I can't think of a good monster name for him) but he starts running up to the other children, grabbing both of their shoulders and starts shaking them yelling...."ARTIC BLAST 0 6......ARTIC BLAST 0 6.." over and over again. Ok, so I get him to calm down and stop grabbing the other students. So he then starts chanting "WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL....WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL..." and so on. I was thinking ... sure, tell me something I don't know....but the teacher inside me say "hey, we don't say things like that." So this excites him and he chants it louder and faster and then all of the sudden he lets out a howl and runs out the door and down the hallway. I did the 50 meter dash behind him while trying not to laugh. yea, I'm back!!

I'm going to school full-time myself for a photography major. I received a letter in the mail saying I was on the Dean's list. I was very excited and shocked. It may be harder this semester since I have 6 classes at 19 credit hours compared to the 4 class 13 credit hour from last semester. oh well!

Perfume anyone?

2006-11-07T08:54:00.000-05:00

Yep, I got the job at Dillards at the womens fragrance counter. No, we're not allowed to spray people. I secretly do it when they walk away. So now all I do is work and college. I really miss my students and the stories. I was getting my ass whooped more, when working 2 days a week then I was at working 5 though. Once your out of their routine, it's over.
So now my stories are of ladies who won't buy perfume because the free gift, which is usually a purse, looks to cheap. This lady came to the counter with the ad from a magazine looking for the free purse you get when you buy Baby Phat perfume, I show her the purse, she plays with it for a half hour.
"It doesn't look like the one in the ad," she continues to sling it over her shoulder, opens and closes it, and acts like its hers. Then, a half hour later says, "it looks really cheap, I don't want it...sorry" She didn't want the perfume either since the free gift looked cheap. I couldn't help but to blurt out (due to pms) "It's a free gift, their not going to make it quality, they just want you to buy the perfume" she agreed as she looked at me in shock.
I then decided to sit on the floor and straighten the perfume cases and stay away from the customers so I don't get in trouble.

See, that story is no where near as fun as Birdman stories.

That's about it though. boring........

End of My School Daze

2006-10-10T21:24:00.000-04:00

Yes folks, it's true. I will be ending my career at the school with my special students. No more poop stories, cursing stories and no more Birdman stories. They have whooped me down. I am currently trying to get a job at Dillard's spraying perfume in your eyes. Thats right.... I will now torture the mainstream.

Speaking of poop stories, well, I don't think I should tell you this story because it's probally not as funny to you because you don't have to deal with someone else's poop. just your own.

UUUMMMMM......(thinking...thinking...) Oh! I did goto Cinema Wasteland and I met the cast from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. I had my picture taken with Chop Top!!! I bought his button's for a mere $15 bones and recieved his autograph for FREE. (crazy money is made at these things) In the spring the chicks from "Faster Pussycat Kill Kill" will be in town and so will I! They had the mother from the first Friday the 13th there and some people from the Night of the Living Dead. It was alot of fun!!

That's about it. Just college and horror movies. I am about to watch "Blood Feast" by H.G. Lewis. yipee!

Happy Hauntings!

Birdman vs. Jesus

2006-09-26T20:44:00.000-04:00

Oh yes, another birdman story.

Birdman is coming out of the basement of the church where we eat breakfast at the school. He runs into the flower gardens and starts stomping with all his might to crush every flower and bush possible. Birdman starts laughing and yelling "look at the statue of Jesus" (it was really a statue of Mary).

Creature Teacher: "Oooohhhh, Jesus can see that you know"
He stops suddenly and his eyes buldge out of his head
Birdman: "I don't want f**king Jesus to see that.......I'm scared"
He bolts out of the garden and tries to hide behind me.
B: "Is he a ghost?"
Creature Teacher: "He's not a ghost but he knows if your being bad. Jesus will deal with you later on."
"Oh" he replies.

Creature Teacher - 1. Birdman - 0.

Still waiting...

2006-09-22T03:04:00.000-04:00

I'm still waiting for my hanging space bags. I still wake up in the middle of the night during the "paid programming" hours and cry. They say their sending them....I'm still dreaming.

Went to the Drive-in and we watched Artie Lang's beer league (sucks, there are some funny parts but from the title you know the plot) and Snakes on the plane. I had to close my eyes through half of that movie because I HATE snakes. anything that can move that fast with no legs just scares the crap out of me. Since i'm such the bargain hunter and always try to get the most for my money without getting ripped off, I figured two crappy movies for 7.00 was better than one crappy movie for 7.00. So I suffered through Snakes on the plane. I busted up laughing at the part where this lady grabbed her barf bag, opened it up and BAM a snake bit her tongue. tooo funny! she died though and that stopped me laughing, because thats serious.

I worked with Birdman today, man do I love that kid. he keeps you on your toes and witty. We're sitting in the library and he just blurts out "yeah I gotta take a piss". Trying to get him to ask the proper way I say "excuse me?". (I should've made my request more clear) "I said I gotta take a piss" he repeats.

It's 3:30 in the morning and i'm flipping through the stations and "The Jerk" is on. what a funny movie. I haven't watched that movie for so long. I like the part where he looks his name up in the phone book. And of course the double water cooler of wine by the tennis courts.

As Seen On TV

2006-09-08T17:59:00.000-04:00

I figured it out... the only reason why a product has the "As Seen On TV" mark on it is because when you order it off the fucking tv, you'll never see it in you home...As Seen on TV. Bitches.
I saw the commercial for Space Bags and hanging Space Bags and order them for the special price of $53. But did I quickly see them in my home. NO. Just on TV when I would be reminded that someone from TV took my $53. Bitches. It's bad enough I thought I was getting a good deal. 8 space bags for 18.95 and 3 hanging space bags for 16.95 but at the VERY LAST SECOND *POWWEE* you get hit with a shipping/handling fee of 8.95 for each item ordered. so it's 8 space bags for 27.90 and 3 hanging bags for 25.90 = 53.80 for shit I don't have. Until today, after 2 months of waiting and watching on tv the shit I paid for but do not have. What did the send me? 8 space bags.... they forgot my 3 hanging bags and FREE gift they promised. I really want my hanging bags. I feel had. I e-mailed them to say I didn't get my 3 bags and free gift and what happened. oh they gave me an instant reply of "sorry for the inconvience" but people really love their stuff and continue to buy gifts for people from their site. I wanna love my stuff but I don't have it. Bitches. For my 53.00 I could of walked into a fucking bed, bath beyond store and been instantly gratified and have my "as seen on tv" product seen in my home. How do you prove that you didn't recieve you full order or free gift? I deserve 2 free gifts don't I? TV and everything seen on it sucks.

Can you read me now?

2006-09-02T18:59:00.000-04:00

Is anyone reading this? At all? Hello....Hello... testing..testing. hhhmmmmm........

I'm lickable

2006-08-29T23:26:00.000-04:00

I worked at the school today and was put in Birdman's room (yeah). Although I didn't work directly with him he still entertained me to no end.
I'm working with a student and all of the sudden someone grabs my arm...(as you do in the school) I quickly turn around to look who is there. It's birdman....

CT: "hey birdman!..howwwwww.....stop"
birdman is licking my arm not once, twice but three times. ugh.

At the end of the day I'm talking to him and he blurts out

"Guess what I did in the community Ms. Creature Teacher"
hestitant to ask...
"What's that birdman?" (already cringing from an answer I'm not to sure of)
"I pissed in the community!" he proudly announces.
CT: "um, is your mother going to be proud of you?" (he somewhat knows right from wrong depending on his mood and I wasn't sure if he actually went into the restroom)

I walked him to the bus where he announces it to the bus driver
"I pissed in the community today!"
CT: "let's tell them about what you learned today"

I checked with the staff and he made it to the bathroom, no incidents of watering the bushes or grass today.

Rockstar Supernova

2006-08-24T17:21:00.000-04:00

Dilana is turning into a bitchface.....it's not nice to talk about people..I love her but no one likes to be talked about, you just can't trust them...I'm losing intrest in her.

I think Ryan will win which would be cool, but then I'm not a fan of Tommy Lee and it may be better if Ryan just went solo to have more freedom.

I MISS watching Zayra, although we all knew she wouldn't win, I just wish they would've kept her around longer to watch her rock! I hope she gets her solo career going better and tours soon.

I really like Storm and I think she will do great on her own also but I just don't think they will hire any woman to front the band. Their (Supernova) egos will get in the way.

Woman do rock.....and those are my opinions. I don't really care for any of the other contestants.

I'm now going to bury St. Josesph in the front garden to sell my boyfriends house without him knowing!!!!! (just kidding...I'm hoping he'll start digging for it and end up weeding for me!)

Keep it real.

Hold the "special" sauce PLEASE!!!

2006-08-23T15:39:00.000-04:00

At our stop at the Opry Hotel we went to the food court area to grab a quick bite. I went to the counter to order a wrap....I'm looking at the board...lalala..thinking....start telling her my order (still looking at the board).....look over at her and POW!!!!! She had (no lie) 3 huge SHINY (from the medicine) patches of cold sores around her mouth! How do you get out of that order??? Lucky for me she wasn't the one making the wrap. Shouldn't there be a law or something?, maybe bathroom duty, mopping, or sitting somewhere NOT in public? The whole time I was eating my creamy caesar wrap I could only see her face and other vile things that want to make me barf. eeessshhh.

We saw the wienermobile!

2006-08-19T20:22:00.000-04:00

On the drive to Memphis cousin it blurts out "hey, if you guys see the wienermobile wake me up ok?!" we all chuckled..sure! cousin It continues "ah, come on, you keep your standards low and your never disappointed" ...fair enough. We continue to chuckle at him "Hi my name is cousin It..I like the wienermobile and watching planes land" I would tease him. ON our way back we stop at Grand ole Opry and another guy blurts out..."All I have to say is.... WIENERMOBILE!!" We then all ran across the parking lot with glee of what we found!

Another moment was coming home from Beale street where me and Sparker were dancing on the bar at Coyote Ugly very unsexy manner. We had 5 people shoved in the back seat when low and behold theres those lovely flashing lights that make you piss your pants. Sparker starts yelling "let me know guys if I should kick open the door and start running.... I will" We agreed to let our driver speak and no one made a peep.
"You guys must be from out of town..you missed the stop back there" says the cop.
"uh-yes sir"
"You guys look overstuffed in there, where you headed?"
"back to our hotel in germantown officer"
"ok well be safe and hurry home...have a good night"
WTF?????? WOW!!!!!!!
Wow....wow wow..we thought we were in trouble. thank you elvis!!!!

ok here's more picture.....

note the little elvis....his bedazzled suit has turned into highwaters and his wedgie is massive. poor child..

ELVIS LI VES

2006-08-15T23:04:00.000-04:00

I'm here in Memphis looking for Elvis and boy did I ever find him. He's everywhere! It's Elvis weekend and alot of people went to the vigil for the man. Weird. To sit on a stage at Graceland for only 20 minutes you must be wearing a blue shirt and white pants. ????? yeah, blue is his favorite color but it's weird how extreme people go for stuff. Creepy.

Went to Sun Studios today which was awesome as can be. I took a ton of pictures and will now attempt to attach some to this post...lets see how it goes.

Going to Memphis!

2006-08-09T17:03:00.000-04:00

yeah!!!!! I'm leaving for Memphis on Sunday and I'm super excited to go! I want to goto Sun Studio, Stax and the ever famous Graceland to buy my official Velvet Elvis picture! Krave is gonna love it when I hang it up!! Or maybe an Elvis bust lamp might be cool too! I was looking high and low for some wacky attractions but none in the downtown area. I guess there is a man named Paul McLeod who has an "overstuffed home to persue his welter of unbridled Presleyana" and they tell you to note a cot under the "bank of TV's where he tapes every passing mention of the Pelvis" then you get a polaroid picture of yourself by an electric shrine. WTF??? Sounds to good to miss but I'm going to have to miss it, since it's an a hour south of where I'm staying. bummmeeerrrrrr. Alright folks...till next time. Viva Las Vegas!!

at work once again

2006-08-08T22:38:00.000-04:00

Today was my first day interacting with all the clients... oh how I love this job! The production manager is driving by with the forklift and beeps the horn to warn someone he was coming through.....3 seconds later all the clients yell "BEEP" back at the forklift.
I just wondered if it happened everytime he had to beep the horn.

Creature Teacher is back in business.

2006-08-07T17:00:00.000-04:00

Alright....I finally started my new job with MR/DD adults in the "activity center" but they are really "workshops". But no matter what you call them they're are still a ton of fun to work at!!(atleast for me) What does this mean to you, you ask? WELL....I will have fun stories to blog about!! No fun stories today since we had to sit a room and learn paperwork and boring stuff but tomorrow....oh yes...tomorrow something HAS to happen. It was neat that some of the clients remembered me from when I would bring the students from the school in to train them for the work enviroment. One girl that I used to take care of 6 yrs ago called out my name and remembered me and told me she still had pictures of me. It touched me that she remembered me and I feel that I must of made an impact on her life if she remembered me after all that time passed. She quickly updated me on her life and then shut back down and acted if I wasn't there.
Ok...I'm back to having to take naps after work so I must get napping!

Riding in the car to Phoenix to catch a sniper

2006-07-25T01:26:00.000-04:00

So..we left the town of Bakersfield and set of for more of the desert. After a short stop by Barstow California for an outlet store (where I bought my first Coach purse...hee hee) we ended up in Viva Las Vegas! We stayed at the Circus Circus and that was exactly what it was. It's amazing all the stuff the can put in a bldg, wedding chapel, roller coaster, twirl rides, tons of children. I didn't realize how many kids would be in there, I didn't realize a lot of things in Vegas. So we went to the Pink Pony for dinner, I thought it sounded more like a strip joint then a restaurant, and realized I could never be a waitress in Vegas. Bless every waitress everywhere, this lady (not a kid) was complaining about the flavor of her milkshake, she wanted a certain flavor that they didn't have the waitress told again and again her choices and she still insisted on trying to get the waitress to mix flavors. After our dinner we ran across to the Riviera to throw a quarter in the slot for my mom (she's so lucky with slots) won a dollar and went back to the Circus. Stumbled around with $20. going to machine to machine finally ending up at the bar to play video poker for about 10 minutes...not bad... then I spotted an unused Wheel of fortune game I ran up to it and this old lady was also strarring at the machine and I kicked her in the shin and sat right down. I started with $15 hit a triple diamond for a $90 win then was able to spin the wheel a couple of times won 40, 150, 30, 40. wow.. I went up to $285 but to let you in on my dim side I'm thinking it's 285 quarters even though I knew I was playing $1 slots. can I blame it on the beer? so I end up walking away with $200!! I kept kicking myself for being so stupid but I think if I would've known I would of quit back when I hit $90. I like to walk away a winner so I cashed in and left. I was wondering why these 2 guys were circling the machine and the guy next to me won a thousand and when he asked me how much the triple diamond paid i reply "only 90" thinking quarters like a dumb ass. He's telling his wife "yeah, she started out with 15 now she's at 250, she's doing good" I started to get greedy in the end and kept saying...after the next spin of the wheel I'll leave and thats how I went back down to 200 but thats much better than I started out so i took the money and ran back to my room where the devil couldn't find me. hahahaha.
I also tried to find the carousel bar that Johnny Depp portrayed Hunter S Thompson went to in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" I found it and it wasn't as entertaining as it looked in the movie. I guess I should've took some ether before I found it too.

Up early and drove down the strip to our way out of Vegas.. it's bizarre how after miles and miles of desert you go over a hill and *wham* theres Vegas.wowza. don't think I could live there not sure if I'll ever go back, and I definitely wouldn't drive again.

Our next stop was Page AZ. home of Lake Powell and the Glen Dam and Glen Canyon. nice little city on a side of a mountain with one hell of a view. Az was breaking a ton of temp. highs like 114 degrees. I ended up getting drunk on sat night and luckily we stayed an extra day to do nothing, absolutely nothing due to our hangovers and that was just fine with everyone. We went to Ken's steakhouse and had some delicious baby back ribs. I chuckled because they sold lobster and shrimp and I'm thinking to myself "ok were in the middle of f-ing no where, how good could the sea food be? Lake Powell looked like a river (the part I saw anyway) I should've picked up a crab cake in San Fran like I was told to"

Off to the amazing Grand Canyon! The temperature started off at 100 degrees and as we drove up it went down to 50 degrees and then to 70 when we finally reached the end of our hour and a half drive up the fucking canyon. Beautiful...beautiful....beautiful! just sucks getting there... I've seen sooooo much desert in last last week. I guess I don't like sitting in the car and viewing things from afar. I wanted to get out of the car and climb the canyon and touch the cactus plants and wander off and live there to get the real feel of the land. It's so amazing and to much to take in in a couple of hours (well, 1 hour actually if you don't count sitting in the restaurant that overlooks the canyon.
We then drove to Phoenix to look for the sniper. Didn't find him... Thank God! Hopefully someone will shoot him when they get him. I was scared driving in and just being here, I can only imagine how these people who live in the community feel. These guys are a bunch of assholes. I'm sure we all agree.
Anyways....overall the trip was great!! It was amazing to see all of these beautiful places, just a little to much to drive. I'm still Ms Creature Teacher no Mrs yet. haha It would of been fun to get married in Vegas by the Star Trek people drunk of course but oh well. haha

Tomorrow we head back home and I have to take a test for my psych class and haven't studied at all. oooppsss. It'll be nice to be home...kinda.

Pictures and don't forget to read the entry below

2006-07-21T00:22:00.000-04:00

Here's the City Lights bookstore in which father and I walked from one end of Columbus to the other.

A couple of the machines in the old amusement game room we found. Jolly Jack the laugher is here on the left and I thought the "Bimbo-Box" with all the monkeys was a hoot to look at....so you to, should have a hoot.

Here's the Golden Gate Bridge from the boat ride..it's a postcard image!

Alcatraz..another post card image..."Wish You Were Here"..."no really I do because I can't stand you."

Yep...I don't know how to make the text and pictures line up.

Bye..Bye San Fran

2006-07-20T23:55:00.000-04:00

Up at 7am left San Fran at 8am. We drove to Santa Cruz drove around a couple of blocks downtown and see-ya. Due to a back seat driver yelling up front.."there's nothing to see here!" (repeat 3 or 4 times) So the driver agrees to leave. Pissed off inside I wasn't going to start an debate on what there is to see...Santa Cruz beach and other signs sitting in the sky of attractions to see.
fine...let's rush off to the mile square town of Carmel by the Sea...great. so much to see in a mile eh? It ends up there was alot of things squashed together to see in Carmel that were way out of my price range. Ate lunch...argued which way to the sea, drove around and left...see ya sea!
Off to Bakersfield arrived around 4 and finally found one English pub called the "Dock of the Bay" Happy hour till 7pm great! it's only 5pm. Order 4 pints and total=$26.oo WTF!?!??? Ok....drink and leave was the plan. 15 minutes later an order of fish and chips comes to table delivered by the drunk man who previously asked everyone in our group where we were from (1 Irish, 2 English and me..american). We're not sure how we ordered fish and chips but according to my fellow companions it was "spot on" to the english version.
3 pints later we left dropped father and his lady friend off at the Inn and went SHOE SHOPPING! YES! drunk no less...love to do things drunks. Sweet Puma's on clearance...just like I like 'em. I don't usually wear running shoes..but I'm falling in love with Puma!
Up early once again tomorrow to head to VIVA LAS VEGAS....i'm getting drunk and married! (thats really just a joke or a nightmare not sure.)
GOOOOOO ELVIS!

I've left my heart in San Francisco thanks to the cab driver.

2006-07-19T23:25:00.000-04:00

Ok...I was getting ready to goto San Francisco and since none of us have been here before, I decided to e-mail a friend and asked where would she take vistors to sum up San Francisco or hidden places that you must see. She e-mailed back and suggested North Beach for dinner, walk through Fisherman's Warf and Pier 39 and visit the famous book store City Lights, wonderful suggestions! She also told me of areas that are not safe at all, and some that are fine in daylight, and the nusence pan-handle sections of the city. Thank goodness she's looking out for our safety i think! A word that I read somewhere in that particular section was Tenderloin, and I can not for the life of me remember what she wrote about it...was it safe in daylight..should you not be here at all? I remember reading a review of another hotel and the person wrote "even though it was close to Tenderloin district I felt safe". hhhmmm!?!?
So...needless to say once we arrived in the airport I pick up a map to look to where the Comfort Inn was and you guessed it..right between the "N" and the "D" of Tenderloin. The bars on the window helps me with feeling "safe"! We walked to "Tommy's Joynt" where I had a bowl of buffalo chili w/ rice which was sooooooooo good and we walked down to a corner market to buy some wine. As I looked across the street I saw a huge strip joint, a girl dressed in all black with a hoodie on and make-up tote runs in. Then from around the corner this lady comes scuffling by with her jellie shoes and so high she's just weaving back and forth down the sidewalk. Yep, there's something odd about this neighborhood.
Up early Wednesday morning for our morning hike all the way down Polk to the Bay. We went on the Red and White Bay cruise an hour long boat ride that you listen to the tour guide via headsets. You go under the Golden Gate Bridge, past Angel Island and Alcatraz, fair enough...so we did. It was a nice tour, I wouldv'e rather went on Alcatraz but I learned enough from the drive around it I guess. Once off the boat (I was starting to get sick) we stepped into a little musuem with old amusement arcade machines in there. Old fortune telling machines and Jolly Jack..once you put your quarter in he would just sit there and laugh...and laugh...and laugh, eventually you would just start laughing as well. We tried the early version of "Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots" metal shaped boxing men connected to gun-shaped handle and you had to punch the other one in the chin to set off a trigger to knock down your opponent, it was actually hard to do. I loved it in there, I took a ton of pictures and hopefully I'll be able to insert them in here.
Then we stopped for lunch down by Fisherman's Warf but not crab cakes :( no one in the group likes sea food so I had to settle for a big huge burrito which was also good. Then we were off to find the City Lights book shop! Yeah! So we found the beginning of Columbus street and realized it was at the other end. Fathers lady friend was getting tired so her and Krave took the bus while father and I hiked all the way down Columbus! We saw the famous Crooked Street from 2 or more blocks away took a picture and kept moving! Finally...there it was! I quickly ran through trying to look at everything possible in 15 minutes and manage to buy a couple of books before my hurried exit.
We then walked through part of Chinatown till we were able to catch a cab back to the Inn. The cab driver was probally going 35mph down the streets which made me feel as though I was on a roller coaster with all the hills. Burrito's are only good the first time.
So we went back to Tommy's Joynt again for dinner passing a couple of bums sleeping on the sidewalk, they all seem to have 2 couch cushions that they carry around until the find a comfy piece of sidewalk.
Tomorrow morning we're off to drive somewhere...not sure where...but somewhere down the coast of Cali.

??????------->

2006-07-16T20:46:00.000-04:00

Yep, don't know how my profile moved to the bottom page. *scratches head* yep, don't know how to fix it either.

R.I.P. George

2006-07-16T15:55:00.000-04:00

George WAS our big retarded fish. Dopey kind of fish that would bully the angel fish one minute and run into glass the next. Just imagine 4 huge angel fish just hanging out in the corner chillin like fish do..then...here comes George (breed unknown just big silver regular looking fish) slams right into them! Other moments I would hear a thunk from the tank and I can see the stars above George's head from running into the glass or I would see the air tube moving from George trying to "squeeze" behind it.
I had a cookout the other night since Krave's father and lady friend are here from Spain visiting and my family came over to all meet. My niece and nephew have met George before and liked watching him spaz out in the tank and "scare him" by putting their Elmo doll up against the glass. Well, maybe he had one to many scares... My sister and I heard a strange noise from the tank and a short time later I found him upside down swimming away but going nowhere. It was sad because my nephew in his cute 2 yr old voice "Get up George!" because he wanted to scare him again. So then we explained that fish sleep upside down like that. The next day, he was still going. I stepped out for a bit and father took George out and buried him in the flower bed so I wouldn't have to see. Bye George

Last laugh of the year

2006-07-08T22:30:00.000-04:00

Ah, yes...Lurch gave me the last laugh of the year. Even though the last day was June 29th I haven't had much time to blog with moving and all.

We had a cookout out for the students on their last day for a little fun. The day was over and I was waiting for everyone to get in the van so we could go back to school. I'm sitting in the drivers seat staring in the rear view mirror at Hannibal Lector in the back seat. (He attacks you and he gets you good. He can rip the first layer of your skin off and make putting yr hands in yr pockets a PAINFUL experience.) Hannibal grunts when the other teacher jumped out of the van to do something. I mumble..very quietly say. "Don't worry she'll be back and you can whoop her ass later" Because thats what he does.. no joke.
Finally the other teacher and everyone else arrives in the van. So were off...
Lurch: Ms. Creature Teacher
CT: yes lurch?
Lurch: are you going to take me back to school and whoop my ass?
CT: oooppss... no lurch

uh-yeah. so apparently he was in the van longer than I thought.

2006-07-05T21:15:00.000-04:00

notice the single bed in the background of the pictures? why, is a man like this sleeping alone? ok..i'll scoot over bounty man..lay right here next to creature teacher.

http://leatheroaks.org/Pages/Masculine.html

Check this out...Stolen from Surly monster Greg

2006-07-03T20:52:00.000-04:00

Stolen of course from other blogs.
http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/outcome.php

Birthday is April 7th.

You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy.And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you.Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights.You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice!
Your strength: Your self sufficiency
Your weakness: You despise authority
Your power color: Maroon
Your power symbol: Hammer
Your power Month: July

yep, thats me. well sorta... where's my hammer?

http://www.blogthings.com/boobienamegenerator/

Mine are Betty and Veronica. it's more personal than "the girls" or "da sista's"
what's yrs?

Taz gets a trike!

2006-07-02T16:51:00.000-04:00

Taz recieved a trike specially made for the special person. Awesome! Living life and doing things like any child at his age would. So would you figure if you see a child riding a big blue trike with bull dog suspension with the back wheels and the child of course wears a big ass helmet to match, would you really add a super tall orange flag to boot? I'm 5'7 and the handle bars come up to my chest. This trike is the Hummer of the sidewalk. You don't need anymore attention, like a big tall orange flag so one can see it. You might as well write tard on the flag.

Good news! For me anyways..

2006-06-21T22:05:00.000-04:00

I'm going back to college after 12 yrs.....yikes.... I'm taking one summer course and I received my first A on my first exam! I believe it's my first A ever in my whole entire life! My class is psychology and I find it easy since I deal with psychos all day. I wish I could give my examples from work for every technique he describes. I have a ton! For example we were talking about giving a reinforcement after a certain amount of time passes and the subject gives an appropriate response. I pipe in with my big mouth...."When we set the timer for our students they wait the 5 minutes, I give them the reinforcement and then they hit you after they receive and eat whatever the reinforcement"... Crickets I tell you, crickets was all I heard. Not a chuckle or nothing, no comment. Just picked up from where he was talking. Felt like an ass. Reinforced me not to speak again.
so I'm going to school full time...So can I work full-time too?? Hells no! I quit my full-time position to work part-time there. My very thoughtful beau is letting me move in.
I am eventually going to apply to get into the "deaf interpretive services" program at the college and I'm very excited to do so. I have to take certain classes and hold a B average until I can apply. So I'm taking those 5 courses in the fall. I'm nervous but know I will do fine. I just can't believe the change of direction I'm all of the sudden. I will be very slightly sad that I won't see MY special (and I mean special) kids everyday. At the same point I won't be torn up by them either!
Alright...thats it. more another day or week....I'm a horrible blogger.

Thats right...

2006-06-08T22:02:00.000-04:00

Taz is brushing his teeth in the bathroom as I bring another boy in.

Taz: " your fat.....he's fat" as he points with his own chubby finger at the other older student.

creature teacher: "wow...taz, your kind of mean, don't you think?..that can hurt someone's feelings"

Taz: "your white creature teacher...your white" he says with his inability to pronounce the letter "R"

c.t.: "That's right...." as I leave, before he hurts my feelings next.

Camping fun...

2006-05-18T21:40:00.000-04:00

I just went camping with the students. ugh... It was fun, camping with mentally challenged autistic kids. yeah, fun. fun at 11:30 at night while one kid is SCREAMING at the top of his lungs because he didn't want to goto bed. We were walking him past a RV that had a night light that reflected the face of jesus on the front window so while you are walking past his eyes would "follow" you... creepy. Our job makes us do this.

That silly Taz

2006-05-08T22:13:00.000-04:00

Taz can not curse the correct way. Do I dare teach him? Of course not, then I wouldn't have stories!

Another way to tell someone off.....

Taz: "I'm gonna f**k Mr. Teacher" he says in anger.

ohh....to funny.

Taz and Birdman the Demons Duo

2006-05-01T17:20:00.000-04:00

Yeah! I was able to work in Taz and Birdmans room today and boy was it a BLAST! First of all Birdman who's not only obsessed with nature (birds, bees and butterflies) but he's as equally overly obsessive about baby teeth. Well they let him look at his teeth when he's riding in the van because it helps him so he keeps his hands to himself and not pulling another kids hair. fair enough. So he's walking through the parking lot, one hand holding the mirror and the other one digging in his teeth.

CT: "hey birdman, I don't think you should be digging in yr teeth right now in the parking lot, you should have yr head up and look for moving cars and other things."

Birdman: "I don't care" he says with fingers still in his mouth.

now if a car was coming and we yelled at him to look up he wouldn't so this had to be done to help him be aware of his surroundings.

CT: "ooppss" I stopped in front of him so he would run into me instead of something else that would hurt.

Birdman: "Mother f**king Jesus....why did he do this to me?" as he tries to take a swing at me.

CT: "birdman, jesus didn't do this to you..you need to focus on where yr walking instead of yr teeth...think safety bird" as he kicks me in my kneecap

Birdman is just pissed and m.f.ing everyone in sight and starts punching himself because "thats where jesus lives" he tells you. A car drives by us and he gave the car the cross-eyed look of death and the FINGER. I start to loose it. So now he's spinning in a circle shoving his middle finger in our faces.

CT: "um birdman....thats just a finger to me"

Birdman: "oh...it is?" the tears stop and he looks at his finger inquisitively.. and stops his tantrum. Thats that.

Then, 2 minutes later as he's getting in the van the seat belt accidently hit him in the face to send the tears rolling again.

Birdman: "Why did jesus give us baby teeth" he screamed and blew snot all over his shirt as he turned tomato red!

CT: "When yr done yelling I will answer that question..but I can't answer it until calm done and listen to me."

Birdman calms himself down to ask the question again

CT: "Because we would look silly if we had little mouths with big teeth"
Birdman: "oh. I have one baby tooth left, should I pull it out?"
CT: "naw, jesus likes to do that himself. You'll have adult teeth when you turn 14"

Birdman is 11 now...so I've stalled that problem for the next 3 years...yeah, right.

So onto Taz... were at the park and the kids are playing on the jungle gym thing and Taz is waiting for the slide so to get the boy moving Taz yells
"Go down the swide you Bastard!"
CT: "Taz, can you come here for a second?"

A little later Birdman comes up to me and says
"Taz called me a bitch ass"

CT: "Taz, can you come here for a second?"

Taz is also 11 and doesn't know what he's saying, he just likes the reaction on your face.

Taz also remembers how I saved his finger..."Ms. CT..wemember when you got the spwinter out of my finger...tweezers don't weally hurt do they?!"
how cute huh?

I really do love my job.

Lurch rides again! not really

2006-04-29T10:20:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, we were at the workshop and the people who work there remind us to clean up our area before we leave so that means if any peices are on the ground make sure to pick them up. I spot a couple of plastic washers on the ground and in the midst of an disagreement with Lurch (he wanted to play wheel of fortune -his fav. show- on the computer) I knelt down to pick them up from underneath the table.

Lurch starts to straddle me while begging me to play the game. I quickly go into tornado drill position.....He sits on my back!! The thought that his nads were on my back made me gag.
So here we are...I'm kneeling on the ground, Lurch is yelling something about "wheel of fortune" while sitting on my back and another staff trying to convince Lurch to get off me. All of a sudden out of a door comes a staff that works at the workshop, her eyes pop out of her head in curiosity and just walks away.

We volunteer here, I wonder if were allowed back?

Medusa the flasher

2006-04-27T21:38:00.000-04:00

Medusa was having trouble with her bra all day. She has big woobies and they always wear small bras almost like the training bra on someone who should be wearing a "D" cup. Medusa's boobs kept flopping out of her bra all day. It's the end of the day and I noticed once again the sista's were hanging out of the bra.

Creature Teacher: "Medusa...are your cha cha's out of their brassier?"
she cracks up and starts rocking in excitement.
Medusa: "OH I can't fix it here I have to go inside!"

She runs into the doorway (a lady from the business below us can see her) and whips off her shirt to put her bra on right! I'm thinking she was just going to reach up under her shirt and pull it down but nooo...right in front of the lady takes off her shirt.

I ran in covered her with her coat and pushed her into another hallway so no one could see her. How funny is that.

Lurch the Loverman

2006-04-27T19:42:00.000-04:00

Lurch the smartest kid in the class (of course is not saying much) is trying to pick up a fellow student Medusa on the van ride. It goes like this...

Lurch: "dude, sister, girlfriend medusa" he says in his deep shakey voice.
Creature Teacher: as lurch is petting her hand "Aw, lurch are you in love?"
Lurch: "yes" makes smooching sounds towards his love
Creature Teacher: "wow lurch! you a regular casanova"
Lurch: "Don't call me a casanosa ms creature teacher..I'm not a casanosa"

Lurch thens picks his nose and eats it.

Signs of a true casanova.

Taz and his wonderful questions..

2006-04-25T20:47:00.000-04:00

I was talking to another Teacher about Taz and his silly questions. So she told me another funny question.

Taz: "Ms. M?..do you have a beavwer?"
Ms. M:..?????"no"
Taz: "you should get a beavwer and put it in a cage"

If I was there..
Creature Teacher: "It's in a denim cage"

oh he's so fun!

weird question

2006-04-24T22:12:00.000-04:00

Our first day back to school...46 more days with the kids before SUMMER VACATION..yyyeesss.

here is a conversation I heard in the hallway today.....

Taz: "Do cars have feelwings?"
Mr. X: "No"
Taz: "Why not?"
Mr. X: "They're made of plastic Taz"
Taz: "Oh"

I looked at Mr. X to verify he just asked that question..yeah, he really did.

THIS is news!

2006-04-19T17:00:00.000-04:00

I cried..... feel free to enlarge the images...it makes it worth wild!

click here

Dr. Creature Teacher

2006-04-15T07:36:00.000-04:00

I'm on spring break! It's nice to have a job with SPRING BREAK....HELL YA!!
Anyways I realized I'm way to hooked on the computer games and I'm forgetting to tell the tales of my students.

Taz was out playing in the park on the last day and got a splinter in his hand. I'm walking by his classroom and I hear another staff say.."Ms. CT might help you". My ears perk and I run into the room to see if I can help dear TAz. He's soooo fun!

CT: what's wrong Taz?
TAz: (screaming with a ton of tears) aaahhhh I have a spwinter!!!!!
CT: yr gonna be alright...let me get the tweezers and I'll be back to help.
Taz: (screaming)..nnnnoooooo....it's gonna hurt

*I'm walking down the hallway and he just screams the whole time*

I go back in the room and let him hold the tweezer and try to get him comfortable with them. I was telling him to set his finger on the table so I could see the splinter.

Taz: It's gonna hurt...
he would touch the table and let out the loudest cry.nnnnoooooooo

I couldn't help but to laugh. I was cracking up. So the other teacher started the process while I tried to get him to calm down and listen for the "POP" sound when she pulls out the "spwinter". He finally let me take over and after a few tries I got it out and made a pop sound by this time his face is so red and the tears are in buckets!

TAz: (still screaming) YOU DID IT!!!!! SHE DID IT...SHE WEALLY DID IT!!!!!
(while I'm trying to say my next sentence)
He then wipes his nose with the palm of his hand and grabs mine to shake my hand since I saved his life. It happened way to fast so I didn't have the reflex to pull my hand away.
CT: what do you say Taz?
ummm that's right.... You have snot on your hand

Something fun to blog about!!!

2006-04-11T22:05:00.000-04:00

Ok..Thanks to Snooze I found something fun to blog about. Since I'm stuck in la la video game land.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you? Automatic--by Quazi Modo
yes..

Will I have a happy life? Firecracker, Firecracker--by Half Japenese
I do have an explosive personality

What do my friends really think of me? No Brakes--The Bravery

What do people secretly think of me? Danger! High Voltage--The Electric Six
"fire in the disco...fire in the taco bell"!!

How can I be happy? Apple Blossom--The White Stripes
AAAhhhhhh *smile*

What should I do with my life? Thirsty Dog--Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Yeah, I still like to drink

What is some good advice for me? Molly's Chamber-- Kings of Leon

How will I be remembered? Snake People--Sons of Hercules
hope not

What is my signature dancing song? Guns of Brixton--The Clash
this is one of my favorite songs

What do I think my current theme song is? Rat's Revenge Pt.1--The Rats
um...my chinese zodiac sign is the rat...pretty cool.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Midnight Show-- The Killers
you should have seen friday's midnight show!!

What song will play at my funeral? I didn't like you anyways--The Donnas
how appropiate!

What is my day going to be like? I'm not there--Lil' Boys Blue
uh...cause I'm dead.

Well, after all I'm an Aries and we tend to be a little feisty!

My eyes are STILL fried

2006-04-03T18:00:00.000-04:00

I tried, I really did. I thought Sims was the answer to seeing the relaxation side of computers. After I last blogged about HOW you could kill a Sim's..I DID kill a Sim's. Poor Nettie...she was just trying to help Ian put out the stove he lit on fire. So I watched the grim reaper circle the house twice and then just floated in the back door WITHOUT knocking. He took Nettie and left an urn for Ian. I'm so pissed at Ian for letting Nettie die and he didn't try to play a game of rock, scissors, paper with Grim. Just goes to show how everything can just get screwed up. Or should I say...Men screw things up. (lol) So when I exited the game it asked if you wanted to save the game you just played so of course I said no. Then, the next time I opened the game I bought Nettie and Ian a new stove and while Nettie was at work (since she has a job) Ian did it again..set the stove on fire. ding dong.. I made him call the fire dept. and wait by the fountain outside the house until the fire was put out.

I went back to playing Diablo which I was trying not to do. really I tried so hard. I find it less stressful then the Sim's . Now, I'm glued to the computer and my mind is melting.

Sims suicide

2006-03-26T19:28:00.000-05:00

So, I've been playing the Sims the last couple days and I suck at that to! I created a couple named Ian and Nettie Knives (after me and my beau of course). They have the same astrological signs and personality traits as we do. They are sooo unhappy.. Their starving, bugs inhabit the kitchen, skunks like to stay at the home along with stray dogs, Ian and Nettie are known to piss their pants a few times, Ian falls asleep on the kitchen floor, Nettie missed the first 2 days of her first job of the game, Ian don't want to find a job because he's sooo depressed nor he hasn't any skills, they always want to watch t.v. and listen to the radio instead of spraying for bugs that at one time was attacking Gunther the neighbor who looked like he was dancing a jig to get away, they won 750.00 for having the worst home on a phone call, the bank called and said 1,400.00 was put in our account by a computer mistake and Ian won't tell anyone about it. They are going to die of hunger or a bad bladder. I thought there was no way for them to die but reading the manual they can and the grim reaper will come and then you can barter with a game of rock, scissor, paper with the guy to keep your guy alive. If I did win, Ian and Nettie would probally say to let them die cause I am horrible at this game too. How can I kill a Sim's?

I'm a sore loser.

2006-03-25T05:16:00.000-05:00

I've been playing Diablo and every time I die, I just get pissed! I was trying to see the "gamer" point of view and how someone could spend that much time staring at a computer screen (3 computers in surly greg's case) instead of out and about enjoying life. My boyfriend claims it's a nice way to relax...well, not for a sore loser like me it's not. I had to restrain myself from throwing my computer down and jumping on it. No way ...no relaxation here...just alot of clicking and swearing...tense...tense..tense....
Problem solved....while in Best Buy the other day I picked up "Sims" game and read on the front of it.."The most successful computer game of all time"-TIME. "That's it" I shout (ok, not really) "of course it's the most successful computer game of all time because you don't DIE!!!!" my boyfriend agreed it would be the perfect game for a sore loser like myself! So, he bought it for me to still try to show me how relaxing sitting and staring at a computer screen can be relaxing. I know he just wants me to get addicted to it so I can't yell at him anymore. I hope it doesn't work.

Sights and Sounds @ the workshop

2006-03-21T17:32:00.000-05:00

So many little things happen at the workshop when I'm there. I have an attentive ear to try and pick up conversations between clients or statements they make randomly.

On St. Patricks day a client who looks like John Goodman blurts out
"Yeah, I'm gonna get drunk at the bar tonight"
Oh don't think I wasn't trying to figure out where that place was! He wouldn't answer me because obvioulsy it wasn't really gonna happen but it was a nice dream.

Another time I was walking down the hall and I hear "Hey look!" so curiously I look around and there is a client juggling POOL BALLS like nothing! He could also juggle with one hand! I couldn't believe it. There has to be a market for this.

Video game update. I hate killing everything over again after I die. I think I've had my fill. Of course I start off on Diablo II the expansion game which is more difficult and you can't save the game and start back in the exact spot if you die. AAARRRRGGGGHHHH back to blogging now

MY Eyes are FRIED!!!

2006-03-20T18:00:00.000-05:00

Recently I decided to try to understand why my boyfriend sits and plays those stupid hack 'em slash 'em games for hours straight. So, "Let me try one of those there games your constantly playing that you don't want to do anything else but" I say. "OK" was his response.

I now can't think of doing anything else but. I dream about it too. Boo-hoo. gota go to play more now ........

Um, chased eddie monster again at work..gee um it was funny..to bad you couldn't see it yourself.

Yet another gripping sentence from Birdman

2006-03-16T16:55:00.000-05:00

Birdman LOVES to rip his clothes off himself. Being in the right mood and finding the perfect moment he proceeds to rip his sweat pants and laugh his ass off the whole time disregarding every word we used to stop him. So we dig through the closet of spare clothes to look for another pair of sweat pants but no luck just jeans. The other teacher takes him into the bathroom to let him change his pants.....then all you could hear from the bathroom is high pitch screaming and crying with a slew a curse words echoing in the bathroom. He comes out and is still very upset....so I do my best to explain...

Creature Teacher: Hey birdman, we didn't rip yr pants....did we?

Birdman: no... F**k You B*tch

CT: So you can't yell at us, you had sweat pants on but YOU ripped them, we don't have anymore sweat pants, so you have to wear jeans.... You look nice in them!

(gripping sentence!!!!)

Birdman: I'm so mad... why did I do this?.... I'm gonna SHIT!

CT: that won't be good. (giggles on the inside)

I had to chuckle a little more because he wore his t-shirt that said. "I may be strange, maybe crazy, but never a dull moment"

Memories from the t.v. set

2006-03-14T16:48:00.000-05:00

I've been watching the I love toys series on VH1, which is a great way to stroll down memory lane. So, you automatically think of the funniest things that you did with the toys and how it either saved you from trouble or caused it. One thought that comes to mind was when they were talking about the Mad Libs book and how EVERYONE would put explicit words on every line. OK, here comes the back ground story.
I have a few older siblings and we went to a catholic school and were all very well mannered and my one sibling was always top seller of anything the school would sell (candy, wrapping paper, thats all i remember selling i think) we would win top prizes everytime. Our family could do no wrong we were ALL angels!!!! till the one day...
The 7th grade teacher walks in and takes away my Mad Libs book with all dirty words in tow, names of nuns and everything. not good. Shows the principal, who was a nun, and she reads the whole dang thing (of course) Needless to say I crushed the family name (9yrs of being angels) in 1 minute flat. I of course asked for the book back and without hesitation she of course said "no, maybe at the end of the year". Dam straight if I didn't march my ass last day asking about it. I counted down the days!!!! Ya, they "lost" it. I convinced my parents to let me goto public school after I finished off 7th grade..begged...and begged...and begged... I did it! Without telling them about my book with the dirty words..oooohh boy, I would've got a whoopin that day! I also begged the nun not to tell my parents. I wonder if they know the reputation of their name these days. haha

I can honestly say I've never ate Play-doh tho!

Billards..anyone.

2006-03-14T16:34:00.000-05:00

I watched a gripping game of billards at the workshop today. Two clients were playing against each other and after every shot the one guy would yell "Sledgehammer!" I lost it when the other guy finally asked "what does that mean?" The first guy never answered him. I was wondering the same thing...why is that guy yelling that after every shot. Well, the question worked and the guy never yelled it again. Every once in awhile a girl would shout to the guys that they wanted a baby. ?????? yeah, I didn't get it either but life seems pretty simple there. The guys were called back to work so I was unable to see who won and I wonder how they would've handle it. I'm going to volunteer for the Special Olympics (I'm very excited) so I will have more tales of competition and how they handle winning and losing and just getting along. I can only imagine. It's gonna be good!

Word Play...

2006-03-10T23:04:00.000-05:00

Down in the younger kids room, they teach us to laugh a little more.
This is the conversation with Birdman 8 yrs old...

Birdman buys an apple pie for his small purchase and is very involved in getting every piece and taste possible from the pie. He's licking every finger and his tongue is swirlling around his lips. You just can't help but to chuckle watching this go on....

Creature teacher: "Hey Birdman, are you licking the pie off your fingers?"
Birdman: "Yeah, don't you lick your pie?"
Creature teacher: "Nope"

Another time when Birdman was just ready to lose all his marbles he starts screaming at another teacher
"You most f**kable bitch"
(I was jealous.)
I gave a high five to the teacher and left so she could work out that problem.

Lesson of the day: There's nothing better than my job.

I don't know

2006-03-09T21:03:00.000-05:00

I don't know what to write about. No stories from the monsters. Everything is honky dorey and I have nothing to complain about. My birthday is coming up and I'm trying to think of a short weekend trip, something different instead of going to the bar. It's getting harder to recover after a night of drinking, each year it just gets worse. Does anyone have any ideas of something fun or unusual to do? I feel like I'm running out of bright ideas.

You never know who yr sitting by

2006-03-02T16:14:00.000-05:00

Today at the workshop (where I'm helping a student transition to) I'm eating my lunch and enjoying the new sights, fights, struggles and sounds of a whole new crop of clients that I know nothing about. I'm giggling about how one client is yelling to another about how they hate the one guys beard and threatening to shave it off...over in another section of the lunchroom a girl client is trying to assist another client adjust their suspenders and hook them on his pants...another trying to steal someone else's bag of chips....one client is referring to his twinkies as fluffy hotdogs...Suddenly, I hear a sneeze and see a big hocker go whizzing by on my left side and into my view. *BARF*
Lesson of the day....Be careful who you sit by while eating lunch

Trip to the library

2006-03-01T22:16:00.000-05:00

I worked with Eddie Monster tues. and after working we decided to take the kids to the library so they can look at books and play on the computer. Well, Eddie wanted to check out books to take home, so I reminded him of the rules..."If you take out books, you must leave them at school so you don't lose them and we can return them on time" Eddie kept refusing to comply to the rule so I told him he wasn't allowed to take out books. So Eddie is sitting on the bench a little upset...

Eddie.."I'm pissed!" (he sounds like Sylvester the cat and he mumbles)

LIBRARIAN.." Excuse me?"

Eddie.."I'm pissed!"

Librarian... "You mean you're mad!?"

Eddie.."I'm not allowed to take out books"

As fast as lightning yours truly..Teacher leaps over 2 tables to set the record straight

Teacher.."We don't want you to lose the books"

So I explained again to Eddie and now the librarian why we have the rule. The librarian gave me a nod of acceptance to the rule and I gave him a chuckle of the thought of Eddie blurting out "I'm pissed" in the middle of the library.

So Eddie finally accepts the rule and agrees to leave the books at school.. Fine..Eddie went to pick out books and sits at the counter to read his books.

Eddie.."Hey teacher, are you going to sit behind me and read with me?"

Teacher.."No Eddie I'm helping out this other student right now....Just sit there quietly and read your book"

Eddie...in all innocence..And really loud.."But I can't read Teacher"

True I think! A lady 2 chairs down raised her book to let out a chuckle.

Lesson of the day.....Send the students to the picture book section.

Quarters just suck

2006-02-22T16:49:00.000-05:00

I went up to the local community college to figure out what to do to go back school. I'm coming out of the lot and you have to pay ".50 (two quarters only)" the sign read. I start digging...digging....and digging. I could only find one flipping f***king quarter, so what do I have to do? I had to beg for a quarter to get the f**k out of there! How embarrassing was that. Then after finding someone to give me a quarter and I went back to the line trying to pull out of the lot, the lady in front of me stops and starts digging for quarters. Luckily, there was no one behind me and I put it in reverse and left out the other gate.
lesson of the day: murphy and the law love me.

Vacation is over

2006-02-21T09:49:00.000-05:00

The road trip was really nice despite the fact I was sick the whole time. So, we went to Gettysburg first and decided to buy a c.d. to take the auto tour of the battlefield. You drove through the battlefields while re-enactments played on the c.d. it took about 2hrs (driving about 15-20mph) . It was amazing to learn that more people died in the battle of Gettysburg than WWI and II combined. They said you couldn't walk on the field without stepping on a body. Such a crazy thought and the only woman that was killed in the battle was Jennie Wade. They also said that you could hear the battle (cannons) all the way in Philadelphia which I think is maybe 2 hours away (I could be wrong).

Later on we took the ghost tour of Jennie Wade home (where she was killed) and the orphanage across the street. The nice people who run the tour let us see both buildings that night due to the frigid cold instead walking around the town looking for ghosts! The guide encourages you to take pictures during the tour in hopes of taking a picture of an "orb" or spirit. We gathered in the cellar of the Wade home then went across the street to the orphanage where a lady (yep, forget her name) tortured children by putting them in the cellar in a very small room in the dark and wouldn't give them food or water for periods of time. The guide then took us to the cellar to show us the room and even shut off the lights to let us take photo's after telling us other exciting stories of some of the photo's captured and things that were seen while in the cellar. I was o.k for a couple minutes but I started to spook myself and fortunately the guide turned back on the lights. So then we all headed back upstairs and continued the tour back at the Wade house. The Guide points out all the bullet holes on the outside of the building and on the inside Jennie, her mother and her sister who had recently gave birth were all in the house. Jennie was baking bread with her mother when the fatal bullet came to claim Jennie's life. The battle was happening right outside the front door. Rumor has it that if a single girl puts her ring finger in the bullet hole on the door she will be engaged within the year and since I'm in my 30's do I really have anything to lose? So, I gave it a go....So I'll let you know when the years up. Hell, I put all 10 fingers in the hole....Just to be sure. My girlfriend had her camera (another couple went with us) and we were taking pictures of every mirror in the house in hopes to find a spirit but no luck. The guide told us to take pictures in the mirror but not to let anyone be in the reflection, we left the room to let another girl on the tour take a picture of a mirror that we already had. We make our way downstairs and then the girl and the guide appear to show us the picture of a spooky image she just took. It was a profile of a face with the hand with the fingers extended by the chin. It was a creepy image and thought. We then made our way back to the cellar where he told a few more stories of the spooky images that were caught on film. When we got back to the hotel to go over in detail to see if we could find "orbs" in our pictures, we found a couple but that's about all.

The next day we went to the wonderful town of Hershey's. What an amazing man, we took the tour of the city. The Hershey school is amazing and to think, well hope that the school is still run the way Mr. Hershey wants it to be. After the tour and buying chocolate in mass quantity we headed off to Pittsburgh. We went to the southside where we ate at Fatheads which is absolutely delicious! We wandered around till the bars closed at midnight than went to some place that had karoke!!!! We stumbled upon it and it was a nice touch to end the day.
The next day we went to Ikea and unfortunately I was still sick AND had a hangover so I couldn't think of anything else but we were there for...buying a stand for a microwave. We found a nice stand and got the hell out of there. At one point I was in the restroom wondering if this was the point where I should make myself sick then I heard this little girl "It smells like cherries in here...it smells so nice in this place" , I couldn't imagine barfing at that moment. So, instead I held onto my nausea for the rest of the day.

I had a really good time but I just wonder when will I feel better. I didn't goto work today and I have to babysit 5 kids tonight despite feeling way under the weather. I'm babysitting for my sister and her sis in-law kids so they can go out. My sister never gets out anymore (due to having 3 kids) so I figured it would mean alot to get out for a bit! So, hopefully all will go well tonight. Just wish I wasn't sick anymore.

Onward....road trip

2006-02-17T08:39:00.000-05:00

This weekend me and my boyfriend are going to take a road trip Pittsburgh and Gettysburg!! Yeah, I'm really excited to get away from here. I'm just afraid I'll never want to come back, I kinda sorta hate it here but don't we always dislike where we stay sometimes? Just a thing I guess. On Valentines day, I received some roses which are beautiful and we went to a Chinese restaurant that was the best I've ever had! The following night I took him out to dinner at a nice little cafe and now we are going on the road trip to complete the fun birthday week! Well, we're going on a trip when he wakes up "we're going to leave early!...Let's leave at 9 am!!!" I'm still waiting *grin*

Full moon fever

2006-02-17T08:15:00.000-05:00

You can tell when a full moon is coming all the students (and everyone in general) are more on edge. On Fridays we take the kids out for small purchase, they can goto a dollar store and spend a little bit of money to teach them the value of money and the social skills of the community. So, once again Lurch goes in the store and buys a bag of frito scoops that he's been talking about the whole week. Then of course, when he comes back to the van he tries to open the bag and eat the whole dam bag. The other teacher had to take another kid in the store, so it was my job to try and get the bag from him. So, there I am trying to negotiate the bag of frito's from the grasp of Lurch. I turn around in the driver seat and was kneeling on the seat as I proceeded to barter for the chips till a better time to eat them. While negotiating Lurch leaned forward and bopped me in the nose, I fell back and beeped the horn with my ass, which surprised both of us, Lurch then thought someone else beeped and ended up handing of the Frito scoops. It was the funniest thing ever..bop..beep..then I get the chips!

He's 39 now!

2006-02-15T07:18:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Krave!

Your the Best!

Love is a....

2006-02-14T19:34:00.000-05:00

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!

Love..love..love...
What did you... do, say, get, pay,buy... to get it?

Sly is way to HIGH!!

2006-02-09T16:45:00.000-05:00

If you watched the grammy's last night I'm sure you did the same thing when you actually saw Sly (the old stone..r) come out to bang on the keyboards. FALL OFF YOUR CHAIR LAUGHING YR ASS OFF!!! Could you believe yr eyes.?????? He looked like a pre-historic iguana or something. Imagine.. old man with a blonde mohawk, black Dior sunglasses, long shiny siver trench coat (collar in up position) with fringe running down the middle of the back, silver pants with knee high black platform boots. The huge belt buckle with his name "SLY" bedazzled on it. OMFG!! ROFL!!! His music is amazing and I feel bad because he's played keyboard so long it seems as though he couldn't lift his head because he was always looking down at the keys. But ...Please fire yr stylist Sly a nice funky suit would've done just fine. He was banging on the keys like it was his first encounter with a keyboard and was trying to figure out what the dang thing did. He mumbled a few lyrics, the sound on his mic was bad (i wanna take you ..higher....2x) and after 3 mins of being on stage, strutted back off and was gone. Biz-f**king-zarre!

The other funny thing that happened yesterday.... I was walking through the parking lot to my car and I slipped and fell. My left foot slid forward and I landed on my right knee (and naturally when you fall, your hands go up trying to save whatever is in them). So I basically looked like I just ended an ice skating routine and the worst was people were watching....Ugh.

Wasted Weekend...and it was fun.

2006-02-05T12:37:00.000-05:00

So, Thursday night me and my fellow co-workers went to bowling. I used to be on the league (I'm not claiming to be good at all) but now I decided to be one of the "beerleaders" (beer drinker/cheerleader). Afterwards we usually go grab something to eat and some more to drink and since we didn't have kids on Friday it was obvious it would be a long night of fun. One of the questions of the night was....when squeezing pass people in a stadium seating situation how do you pass by people..do you give them a front view or a back view of your assests? Because you know some people remain seated while yr trying to squeeze by. So, do you try to make it extremely uncomfortable? Like one girl pointed out maybe by dropping something next to them to try and get your butt more in their face or pause in front of them so the only view they have is well....you? Personally I want to start dropping stuff to try and get my butt in people's faces. That'll teach them.

Next question....What do you do when yr boyfriend gets so EXTREMELY INTOXICATED that he makes loud screeching, most unbearable, scratchy babbleling you have ever heard? He would not stop for nothing....I told him to shutup(after of this...nope....I threatened to leave him there(after 10 mins!...nope, still going... I found his coat and scarf, wrapped the scarf around his loud ass mouth to muffle the sound and pushed him out of the bar. Even outside the bar he was still going(up to 20 mins).. I had to shove him in the car and while driving down the street he was still going! (30 mins now..not lying) Once I reached the garage, he busted up laughing for 10 minutes straight. I undressed him and covered him up on the floor away from my reach (so I don't choke him) and then he was out. The next day, I asked him if he remembered anything and the answer was.."like what?". So I explained to him and told him what an ass he was and imitated his annoying babbleling and still didn't remember a thing. I was really embarrassed of him because it my regular bar that I like to hang at and I can only imagine the looks when we return. He wanted to get knee-capped and he did. I guess next time I'll just punch him in his throat

What would you do?

2006-02-05T09:49:00.000-05:00

I learned something about Shriek and his behavior at home, he's learning to be a fireman! He lives in a group home and it's a "survival of the fittest " there. Well, someone was bothering him one night and low and behold he went and picked up the fire extinguisher and shot it off all over some other client in the home! Well......What would you do?

Eddie monster went to a local mall with a co-worker and while in the bathroom the teacher noticed Eddie was standing really close to the urinal. The teacher takes notice to eddie's arm is rapidly moving....The teacher calls out..."Eddie...You better not be doing what I think you are." Eddie does not reply. "Eddie" calls out the teacher again. Eddie replys..."Hold on Mr I'm almost finished" wow..Talk about a nooner. Needless to say Eddie got a speech about private and public things to do.

Welcome...A new monster is here!!!

2006-02-05T09:40:00.000-05:00

On Friday Feburary 3rd ...My sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named....Abigail!!!!
Yeah sis!!!!

Kare-to-choke-me

2006-01-29T18:00:00.000-05:00

It was a tough week, on Wednesday while working in the same group with shriek, he decided to toss a chair in my direction. While trying to "swat" the chair away I ended up hyper-extended my left index finger. Boy, did my finger blow up, I spent 3 hours in the E.R. which is what I expected. The doctor even gave me a 2 day excuse to call off work but like a fool a finger wont hold me back.
A ton of bullshit happened all day long and I can't even think about writing it all down. So, basically I have no funny school stories.

My weekend was fun. After Friday night's of full on drinking to forget of the troubles. Saturday my boyfriend and I went with some of my co-workers to see a local college basketball game. I'm not a sports fan but he likes sports so I figured it would be fun to do. After we picked up something to eat and then headed off to see a friends band called "the Hurricanes" it was great to see alot of my old friends but I didn't realize that my boyfriend didn't really want to be there, so he ended up going home. So off me and my friends went to have fun at the local karoke (kare-to-choke-me) place to have fun and laugh some more. They shouldn't put any Pink Floyd on the list to be sung. This drunk man gets up there to sing and have a flashback at the same time, and the songs are slow and really long. It's just god-awful pain to endure. No 15 fucking minute long song should be allowed!! Then this broad gets her drunk ass up there to give us another torturing 15 minutes of "The End" by the Doors. She kept thinking the lyrics were going to start and she would start to sing but was fooled 10 x over. So she just try to cover her mistake up by incoherent babble. Then, she likes the sound of herself babbleling and did it for the last 13 minutes of the song. I just wanted to go up and punch her in her throat.

Things that I was hit with today

2006-01-23T21:17:00.000-05:00

*someone else's head
*someone else's fists
*a file folder
*1 glass of water
*hot sauce
*popsicle sticks (stabbing like motion)
*doz. plastic eggs
*1 shoe
*close call with a chair
*duct tape (my new fav. read below)

So I had shriek today, and oh what a day it was! He gets off the cab swinging at anyone in his way. fine...i dealt with it just fine. He throws a roll of duct tape and it bounced off my face....."OK shriek, if we throw something we need to pick it up" i state. He complies ....as he's picking it up he quickly throws it and bounced it off my face AGAIN. I did chuckle inside...it was just that funny. I once again repeat my statement but I made sure my hand was right next to his to intercept the next throw.
They videotaped his behaviors and I was able to watch the tape afterwards. I was able to watch shriek use my face as a speedbag from another angle besides upclose and personal..I need a new job I realized.

Get your alchohoroscope here!

2006-01-18T19:33:00.000-05:00

These are oh so true! I'm an Aries and it describes me to a tee!
What sign are you?

ARIES
Drinking style
Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call
it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot
contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a
couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you
want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose
when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven
(if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for
you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to
them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

TAURUS
Drinking style
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow
rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a
one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills
red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference
for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is
quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by
any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er,
gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely
amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

GEMINI
Drinking style
Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much -- they're so
naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell
sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt
successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several
people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round --
repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.

CANCER
Drinking style
Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an
after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling?
Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against
lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and
insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style,
Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional"
(read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping
stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite
Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the
flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and
soda.

LEO
Drinking style
Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and
usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and
turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling - Leos
will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because
they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect
flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one what brung them. But
Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it
(try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

VIRGO
Drinking style
Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their
famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other
signs, sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking
down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully
shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect,
but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when
walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend
used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of
intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!

LIBRA
Drinking style
"I'm just a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn
social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to
everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend device
set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators
when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are,
Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them
into all sorts of trouble -- including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay
too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even
blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!

SCORPIO
Drinking style
Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and
quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk,
out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a
problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in
itself, and not as a personality-altering tool * though if depressed,
self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're
fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying
flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you
were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

SAGITTARIUS
Drinking style
In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When
buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own.
Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a
sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of
Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?).
They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or
Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high
possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

CAPRICORN
Drinking style
Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and
status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological
cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox,
not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent,
powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they
make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most
rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally
need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party,
especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.

AQUARIUS
Drinking style
Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that
is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an
idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone.
If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too
preoccupied with their duties to get combative * and they make perfectly
charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital
drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get
them before they start raising their wrist) Aquarius is fascinated by drunk
people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused
strangers while sober.

PISCES
Drinking style
If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign
and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt
Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there
feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance
fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're
fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With
the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and
wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be
read two ways, you know.

cool t-shirts for funny kids!

2006-01-14T19:23:00.000-05:00

I love the parents who have a sense of humor with their kids that goto my school. They will buy their kids funny t-shirts to match their ever lovable personalities!

When i first started at the school one kid who looked like the "thing" from fantastic four would come in with a t-shirt that just said "available" on it. aahh...his mother is so funny.

another tiny little boy (but he is older than he looks) who i will call "lobster boy" would come in with a "hooters" t-shirt. i think it said something like my dad went to hooters all i got was this t-shirt or something. can't quite remember. Plus, this kid really liked real hooters. I made the mistake one day of sqeezing by him (with a student in each hand so i couldn't protect myself) and he reached up and gave me a purple nurple...titty twister...tuned in tokoyo..whatever you want to call it and i let out the yelp of the century. He really got me good! Lobster boy would also do this to other female students and any other breast he could get his hands on. so, the shirt is really appropiate for him!

Another kid would come in with a camouflage shirt that says "ha! now you can't see me" but he ALWAYS made his presence very clear.

My personal favorite is the new t-shirt that the birdman recieved for christmas and his mother made sure he wore to lift our spirits on the first day back from break. "I'm strange maybe crazy but never a dull moment" after i finished reading it he asks "what's a dull moment?" in a pure innocent moment of curiousity.

Gas masks please!!!

2006-01-12T16:21:00.000-05:00

So today I work in a workshop with one of our students that will soon be working there. I kept hearing this farting noise and when I would look in the direction of the sound, I would see this kid sitting there with his hands around his mouth. Ok, so he's making the noise with his mouth. Everytime the kid would make the noise I would look over and he was sitting in the same position. Then, I actually glanced over, he shifted over to his left cheek and let out the most outrageous sounding gas ever! He then sat straight up and put his hands around his mouth as if he just made the sound with his mouth. ALL DAY LONG! It sounded like a whoopee cushion and I reacted the same way everytime it happened...fell over laughing.

Today, I was disturbed

2006-01-08T13:06:00.000-05:00

Ok a friend of mine completely disturbed me with sending me the link. So, in return I shall pass the images along. I wonder if these will catch on. I can't imagine any boyfriend of mine wearing them.

http://www.sacfree.de/

Roller Derby dreams

2006-01-03T21:38:00.000-05:00

So we watched the new reality show "rollergirls". I was very excited to watch it cause I remember my sister and I would watch roller derby all the time when it was on tv in the 70's. Then when we would go to the all night roller skating parties we would act like we were in the derby ourselves...racing each other around the rink and whipping each other in front of the other for more speed. yes....the rush of speed on 8 wheels...........aaahhhhhh.

Well, my sister went on to roller skate in competitions later in her 20's meanwhile I could only skate foward.. still. My sister would impress me with her jumps, spins and lifting her leg straight out while still keeping her balance gracefully. I still looked foward (the only direction I knew) and would skate with all my might to catch up with her as if we were still kids. Her and her team mates would then line up and do the "whip" of course which was dragging the end person and then whipping them around and letting them go sailing in front of everyone at top speed...speed you say? ...MY TURN.... Needless to say, with the astounding amount of "dumb luck" that I have, it didn't turn out to be pretty, graceful, flowing, nor fun. I can't remember the exact details of the "accident" , it happened way to fast due to the speed I was rolling at.

I was excited for rollergirls to come on but disappointed for the fact that since it's on A&E and it happens to be a reality show there is way to much talking and the last 15 minutes is dedicated to the actual game. It makes me want to start a derby team...but i don't think I can find other people around the same age to start my dream with me. so, i guess i'm gonna have to watch the show and dream.

maybe i could just wear rollerskates all the time and act like I'm in a roller derby.
could this be my new career?
any ideas?

HHHHHMMMMMM

2006-01-02T21:45:00.000-05:00

My break is up and I have to go back to the monsters tomorrow, which I am actually very excited to do. I miss them all.

Unfortunate news of a friend dying before christmas set a sad tone for break and seeing everyone even more morbid than usual is disturbing. I would say hello to someone I haven't seen for awhile and ask how they were and the reply is just "SUCKS"...well yeah, were at a wake besides the obvious?

I didn't do much at all during break, I did clean my apt and had a new years party. It went well, only one arguement to put a damper on my night. So, I drank into a tizzy and passed out ...goodnight.

new year resolutions....
1) be mean..so i can care less.
2)become a new "roller girl" for agression reasons

Gas station man

2005-12-29T09:03:00.000-05:00

I stopped at the gas station one night it was pre-pay so I used my card. Glancing around while pumping I notice the mullet, jerk stash wearing attendent staring at me with binoculars. heebee geebee's all the way.

Fighting the half naked woman

2005-12-22T09:33:00.000-05:00

I had started a second job and it was my first day on the job at a support care agency. I was to go and sit with this lady for 5 hrs and make sure she took her salad bowl of meds, eat, clean and most of all stay out of trouble. Glorified babysitter for adults with mr/dd!! Perfect..I love this field (it helps me make up my karma...just kidding...maybe not)

I arrive at the home and another co-worker is there to help me get acquainted with this lady. So I notice "slimer" has a chronic sniffling and rubbing her nose problem. ...ech.. alright....and loves to cuss like no one else could do it better! A fisherman's wife perhaps. "fucking bitch" by far was heard every 3 seconds..no joke. After hours of listening to this you have a tendency to pick up on it. So a few hours goes by and the co-worker informs me that she is leaving and the next staff will be in a couple hours....what?..leave me by myself. Yes, she had no problem doing just that. I can do this.... I decide to help her clean up and put laundry away..fucking...fucking...fucking bitch. Cursing was all I heard and then

***WHAM*** a laundry basket hit me.

"OK slimer you must want that over here...I'll just set it here"
she scurries back down the hall and I sit in remorse of what I took on.

**SLAM** here comes another basket and a "fuck you bitch" my way.
"OK slimer I'll set this here....anything else you want to move?"

wrong question...

she started cussing me out again, and the only words you could understand her say were the curse ones..seriously could not understand anything else but the bad ones. So after a thousand "fuck you bitch" I was irritated that she couldn't remember my name. It wasn't "bitch".

"Slimer..honey.. (as slow as possible...like talking to foreign people) My name is creature teacher not bitch...can you say that in a sentence (to help remember, it's the teacher in me)
say..fuck you creature teacher"

slimer looked at me like I was crazy..like it almost kicked her into reality. nope.

Next thing I know she is running around out of control and yelling. I can't help her with her problem because I couldn't understand a dang thing she said (I think she was looking for a particular shirt she liked). All I could do is watch her run around half naked, huge fake satin granny panties on and her "hoo..hoo's" dangleling in the breeze!! She's pissed cause I can't understand her and there is no phone (she likes to rip them out of the wall) and I didn't have a cell (OH I do now). Slimer starts to attack...ok I've done this before...assume protective stance...did it...she grabs the collar of my shirt and starts looking down my shirt at my "sista's"....how rude is that?..she was staring straight at my twins...I told her to stop looking at my chest (men have to pay to see these...and here, she's getting a free gander at them..cheap shot slimer) and then she went for the hair grab. (I thought I was in a jello wrestling contest...half naked lady..staring at my chest...hair pulling.. a little tougher then I'm used to)
So I had to spend the last 15 minutes of my 1st day on the job restraining a lady in her granny panties up against her fridge. Lucky for me the next worker wasn't late or there would've been hell to pay.

I learned 2 things that day...
1) I can now swear with the best of them.
2) beer before liquor never been sicker....is true.

The good lord is in trouble!

2005-12-20T16:08:00.000-05:00

I will be posting old stories this next 2 wks since the monsters are on vacation..

Birdman..(which describes him to a tee) is obsessed with ..you guessed it..birds. One day in his front yard a daring bird flies and hits the little lad in his chest and falls to his fate in front of birdman. Birdman with such hungry in his eyes picks up the little fella and quickly runs into his house to show his mother what just hit him. Birdman's mother in horror encourages him quickly to run back outside and set the birdie free...knowing what birdman can do to this poor bird. Birdman complies with his mothers wish and runs back outside (she quickly follows) and birdman throws the bird...yep, wrong direction ...on the ground and stomps on it to show his mother the guts....

Birdman is a very disturbed child and that's why he goes to my school. We eventually discover that his mother has been teaching him about Jesus and how he lives in birdmans heart. Which is a great attempt to try and help him with the "killing things" if I shall be so blunt. So it seem to help some with getting him to let the poor bugs free out of his clutch "Jesus made bugs for us to share!" ok...I didn't mind this Jesus stuff, as long as his mother was fine and she started it...great! He did good at listening with the word jesus somewhere in the sentence..nice ..working with him was just a little easier.

We're camping (yes we even take the autistic kids camping for 3 days and 2 hellish nights) and birdman and I are hiking...he see's some birds that he wants to chase and slip...*CRASH** Birdman is down.....

Birdman....(oh and i quote) "Fuck....youuuuu jeesssuuuussssss"..echo..echo..
tons of crying in the middle of the woods

me....(trying not to fall over and cry laughing myself) "Birdman calm down..your ok"

birdman.."why did jesus do this to me?"

me...."uh...birdman..you slipped on the rocks...it's not jesus' fault...sometimes it happens...you weren't focused cause you were looking at the birds"

birdman.."i hate you jesus..." he starts pounding on his chest because his mother told him that jesus lives inside you..(ok maybe not him though)

me...."don't worry birdman..jesus will have his hands full one day..don't worry"

I wasn't sure if I should then explain about satan..or if that would ruin the plan.

The monsters go on vacation! yeah!

2005-12-17T14:36:00.000-05:00

So friday was the last day before the monsters go on 2 week break to tear up the holidaze. What flippin nightmare. Lucky me had 2 restraints in 10 minutes (the most in the school for the day) over what you ask? (do you?) Food...marshmallows to be exact..we had to make snowman out of marshmallows, icing, gum drops and pretzels. A cute idea for kids that can wait till they finish making them. Shriek on the other hand is not one of those cute kids. He dropped a gum drop on the floor and it rolled under his desk and decided he wanted fester's gum drop and charged him. Fester let out this deep, stern "sstttoopppp" to shriek ...i stop in shock of the voice that just came out of fester...shriek did not though....so this leads to a restraint with shriek.....everybody and their brother ran into the room from hearing the commotion the yelling and screaming...let alone the 2 young volunteers from a high school trying to show the kids how to do the activities...I'm trying to look all professional and people are trying to say something to me and I'm telling them I got it under control, no help needed.."I'm a professional" I proclaim with my au natural sarcasm. Finally the one teacher came up closer and said "creature teacher...shrieks pants are down"...."oh"

After feeding time we go into the community to take the kids to the park and let them make a small purchase of some sort. We stopped at Taco Hell so I could pick up lunch for myself. Lurch also likes t.h. but chose to buy something else earlier but he couldn't resist eating something from t.h.

creature teacher "Lurch...what are your doing?.. you can't eat hot sauce throw it in this bag"

lurch "Stop it ms creature teacher...I can to, it makes me all hot spicy on the insides"

finally i get him to throw it out and a few moments later, we hear lurch making some funny sounds..

c.t. "what's wrong lurch?"

lurch "oh my.. i need some water"

c.t. snickers "why?"

lurch "oh my... i have some heart burn....I'm sorry creature teacher I just want to be good"

c.t. "you need to listen to staff and throw that hot sauce out next time"

lurch "can I go home and dream on fri jan 13th we goto taco bell?"

c.t. "sure thing lurch"

I'm thankful he has the next two weeks off

Lurch

2005-12-15T17:38:00.000-05:00

Today we're in the classroom and I hear lurch...

"ruff"...."rrruuuufff"...."ruff"..."rrrruuuuufffffff"

"Hey lurch..what are you doing?"

"I'm ruffing" reply's with confindence like nothings wrong or out of sorts.

"oH".....simple enough.

A song to get you in the mood

2005-12-15T17:18:00.000-05:00

We discovered this last year and was excited that I remembered it. You won't be able to get this song out of your head for hours. i love it!

http://load.pquinn.com/binaries/fries/

Don't sniff the peaches

2005-12-13T18:23:00.000-05:00

I was supposed to have an easy day, I had the "higher functioning" students so they talk and goto work to an actual job site.. it has to be easy....right? The first student eddie monster starts off his day watching shriek tear up the classroom in the morning with a different staff, he decides that this looks cool and tries to join in. So he's trying to test the waters to see what he can get away with by squeezing my hand and telling me he's going to sleep ON me. No, eddie thats "not appropiate" and I glance at my hand to let him know I can feel him squeezing my hand. "Why?" inquires eddie monster "cause you won't be able to sleep?"he continues. I shake my head and explain why both his words and action are inappropriate and I quickly sho him out of the room and into another so he doesn't keep picking up tips on how to act like an ass from shriek.

So off to the work site we go and by the time we get to the work site he's still not focused and remains unfocused for awhile. Eddie jumps out of the van once park and starts to run around the empty parking lot yelling

eddie: "Come chase me creature teacher come chase me!!"....manic laughing continues

my smart ass reply..."No, Eddie creature teacher chases NO ONE"

there goes eddie running along side the building up to the front.....he showed me.....I chased eddie.

Eddie remained "silly" for quite awhile even giving me an re-enactment of a cops show. He yelled "get down on the floor! shut up! your under arrest and going to jail" (what the??....) and says "look creature teacher I'm in jail" unfortunately I had to ruin his fun (i was kinda freaked out but still laughing on the inside of course) and tell him to get back in reality. Eddie really snapped out of it when he found out the other kids get a glass of soda for the work they did. nearly crying...."I wanna work creature teacher...please...I'm sorry.... I want a soda...let me work" WOWZA!!! the fucking power of soda!!! and hell ya, you should be begging to work, do you realize the shape of the economy?!

Angel eddie walks into work and cleans like a mutha! he even cleaned the underside of the tables!! Soda brought him back, being left out, and knowing he wasn't getting a treat. NOT my kind, compassionate ways, understanding and the ability to take a couple of cracks. Soda.

Ok OK....lunch time as usual, the calmest part of the day with food being a natural motivator for one and all. I hear a small..ssniff....then this little chuckle...sssnnifff...chuckle a little louder....this keeps going each time getting a little louder. It's Fester (he's a quiet kid) he keeps smelling his peaches and laughing which of course made me laugh. At one time he was even going bug-eyed while smelling the peaches and the cutest belly i'm in reality laugh..laugh. It really helped me get over the morning with eddie.
Never fail though eddie was soon back in la-la land and made my afternoon a living hell also!
Lesson of the day...take time to smell your peaches because they may make you laugh too!

That crazy snow

2005-12-12T19:35:00.000-05:00

I saw a student (I'll call him taz) walk out of the classroom slip and fall flat on his face. How is this funny you ask?? Well, taz starts to punch the ground and scream at the top of his lung...."Fuck you Ms. X....fuck yyyoooouuuuuu" the better part is that Ms. X is no where around at all. It took about 5 minutes to calm him down and to make him it wasn't her fault and sometimes it just happens due to the melting snow. Boy, did I have a good laugh.

I don't know

2005-12-11T14:04:00.000-05:00

"I don't know" is one of my favorite responses from my unfavorable student. In fact I hear myself saying it alot so I have to deal with less. Am I turning into a student...has autism rubbed off on me...did I catch mental retardation? I think I did. Shriek can slug the shit out of me and I can ask him "Why are you hitting?" and he'll answer with the typical answer of "I don't know". Does he really? So here I sit in front of the computer and ask myself "what should I write in my blog?" and I have the typical answer of "I don't know".

I do know that I have a wonderful boyfriend (finally) who is so cool he came over to my family's house to help decorate christmas cookies. He won't admit it but I have some cookies (for a little bit) to prove it. He would only decorate the snowmen but they were very artistic and not autistic (like mine).

Duh of the day!

2005-12-08T22:54:00.000-05:00

Don't ever change your electronics to Japanese writing because it'll take a little bit to change the settings back.

My special audience

2005-12-08T22:42:00.000-05:00

So today there I am standing in the middle of the worksite where we take a few students to transition them into a place of work when the graduate. A large majority of other mentally challenged adults work there also. The kid of course doesn't want to work (neither do I) so he is "acting out" and telling me to "f*ck off " all of the sudden I hear the other 30 sum workers let out a synchronized "ooohhhh" ok, whatever...."B*tch" says the student...."ooohhhh"...I'm trying not to flick them off. The student pushes me and causes me to do a quick slip (due to the lack of tread) but I manage to catch myself "OOOOHHHH" ...it took all i could to restrain myself from laughing but I still wanted to flick them all off. Lesson of the day...even the mentally challenge don't want my job.

Swimming in a glass of water

2005-12-06T15:51:00.000-05:00

Well there I was facing the day and drinking ample amounts of coffee so I can have the quick stealth like reflexes I need to survive the day. Not only is Monday the first day of the week but it's also the day I get to be a human punching bag for a mere 6 hours straight. Shriek.. I call him... is my student for the day. This kid is seriously built like shriek just shorter. Today we are video taping his "manic" smile and ass kicking ways.

Action......We would do a worksheet in which he would throw the pen to try and get out of the work....nope..pick up the pen and start your work.....***SLAP*** right in the titty...I look at the director to chuckle and ask her if she caught it on tape and her reply was that she heard it just fine. It felt like the titty slap that was heard across the world and I can still hear the sound it made today. This kid is lazy so he has to rrooooooollll his chair over to the pen and then pick it up....fine. So for the next few hours he continued to chase his pen around the room and roll around after it. He hates getting out of his chair and all the kids go running like anybody would when they see an orge coming towards them. Now it's lunch time, I have 4 new bruises for the week and it's the most peaceful time of the day. I'm standing on the other side of the room (because he loves to throw the food he doesn't like) and low and behold he rises out of his chair with a cup of water walks towards me (I'm not feeling to safe, a little weary) I quickly order him to sit back down (thanks to the coffee for heightening my reflexes) he doesn't (his mind is on a 10 second delay) I quickly order once again by this time he's right in front of me and **SPLASH*** he threw the water on me. NOW my commands are probally registering in his brain because he turns around and sits back down. He's not to lazy when he is inspired to play a prank on the creature teacher is my lesson of the day.

Am I cool now or what?

2005-12-04T07:51:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to be cool with some new acquired friends that all have blogs. I like challenges (I'm a special ed teacher) and technology is always slapping me in the back of the head and my grammar and spelling is right behind him. So excuse all the errors, lucky me the kids are low functioning and only learn social skills...like... it's not nice to walk by someone and just punch them.

Which leads me to talk about me for a second...I work with kids and young adults with autism and multiple mental health issues I absolutely love my job with my whole heart and very lucky for the opportunity. BUT.... the job has many funny moments that I must share with other people!

Hence. Friday I find myself sitting at a table with 4 students and another teacher playing memory with 72 picture cards and the kids have 5 second memories...about 1hr play time. The kids would only pick up the cards that were right in front of them so I show the kids that there are more cards in the middle and made them reach for the other unused cards. They do this with prompts just fine...now I'm realizing none of them are getting a pair.....So I start peeking under the other cards to help them feel like winners...before I know it they are all doing it....I taught the kids how to cheat and they like it. They were helping each other cheat amongst one kid (I'll call him lurch) who is yelling and threatening the others that if they cheat again he's gonna punch them in the face. Did I start a riot I think to myself. So after defusing the situation and finishing the game we departed for "small purchase" time. So we go to my car, a tiny honda civic cx...I can put the car in my pocket thats how small it is. I then notice the size of my students I'm about to jam in my car. Lurch is 6foot3 and marshmallow boy is 325lbs! So I cram them in to my tiny hatchback civic. So, off we go sliding down the snowy ice filled street at top speed of 8mph.... leaving behind the thought that I just taught the kids to cheat at the game memory.